First Important Factor in a Healthy Relationship ** (see bottom of post)
Note to reader:
As this is a site on relationships, I wanted to post information on how to establish and maintain a healthy relationship. As time goes by, in future posts I will be talking more about how to have a healthy relationship.
People get married or make long-term commitments because they want to feel accepted and validated and to feel good about themselves. The guideline for all relationships is: Relationships go well when partners are making each other feel valued. Everything else flows from this core reality. When one partner says something to make the other feel valued and important it strengthens the relationship. In contrast, when one partner says something negative and causes the other to feel badly (regardless of small it may seem), it breaks down the relationship.
Action to take using this information: Keeping this in mind, you can begin working on improving your relationship by looking for things to say that will make your partner feel valued. For example: “Mary, you are working hard at not yelling when you talk to me;” or “Jack, I appreciate that you are calling before you come over to the apartment.” Look for something that your partner is doing well and be positive about it. The caution here is to be genuine and not patronizing.
Action to Avoid: Stay away from saying things that your partner will hear as criticism.
The importance of looking for something positive about your partner is a simple guideline you can consistently follow in your journey towards rebuilding your relationship. This doesn’t mean you don’t get upset or disagree, but that you communicate these thoughts and feelings in a way that does not make your partner feel devalued.
** This material is taken from my “Relationship Rescue Manual“