Answer to an Email inquiry

In this blog I’m going to answer an email that was sent to me by someone who identified themselves as Dave

 Hi  Dr Marty,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I have been married for 7 years now and have never been an emotional person. My wife knew this but she is sick of feeling neglected. I love her but just can’t reach down and grab what isn’t there to show her. We are drifting farther apart because of it she is ready to move on unless I can change. Is marriage counseling for me or do I need a more specific type of therapy?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Dave

 Hi  Dave ,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       You should run not walk to working with a marriage counselor.  You wife is giving you a red warning light.  Pay attention to me, understand me, COMMUNICATE  WITH ME.  Here’s the catch you need to find a counselor who will focus not on the mistakes that were made, but on what to do going forward.  You need a combination coach and counselor.  The therapist should offer specific advice, like helping you figure out specifically what are your wife’s complaints and how you can directly relate to them.On the other hand you need some help figuring out what went wrong in your mind.  

 Relationships are an incredibly important part of our life.  I tell the folks I work with: “Do everything you can to get past your issues, because finding a special person is not an easy thing. In addition, people tend to make the same mistakes in future relationships, why not work on one where you have a positive history.  Even if you can’t resolve the issues at least you know you tried”.

In earlier blogs and in my books I have offered questions that you might consider asking your wife; an example of this is: “What do I do that you have liked in the past?”

Also, I’ve put a video on YourMarriageCounselor.com called “How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor” that will also give you information on what do to save your relationship.

Good luck,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Dr. Marty