A Marriage Counselor tells you: How to Win Every Argument.
Taken from Dr. Marty’s 2 books: Divorce Rescue Manual & Negotiation for Couples: from conflict to cooperation.
We have to be careful that we don’t win an argument at the expense of hurting the relationship.
When I work with a couple in relationship counseling:
I’ve found that arguments are never about the issue, they are about being acknowledged as being valued. If you don’t believe me think about an argument you have had. How clearly do you remember the feeling and how clearly do you remember the issue?
A key idea in relationship counseling:
Ask yourself: does there have to be a winner or a loser? When I work with a couple in counseling I help them understand that different points of view are possible – it’s not about being right or winning, it’s about feeling good about each other and coming to an understanding where people respect each other’s feelings, thoughts and ideas. I ask the couple to remember to ask themselves: is the issue more important than the relationship?
As a marriage counselor, here are some suggestions:
Here are some things during marriage counseling I suggest that couples say when in an “argument” (be careful not to patronize the other person)
That’s one way of seeing it
You could be right, but I see it differently
Let’s see if we can figure something out that works for both of us.
My number one success tip, as a Marriage Counselor, for How To Win Every Argument:
What folks who succeed in relationship counseling learn is: winning an argument is when at the end of the disagreement both of you feel good about each other and have come up with something that shows concern for each other person’s feelings.
Marriage Counseling tip:
The universe (Gd) gave us two ears, two eyes and one mouth. Maybe there’s a message there!
Go to www.YourMarriageCounselor.com to “Ask Dr. Marty” – Marriage Counselor in NJ – about any question you have about your relationship.