All I Want Is to Have a  Happy Relationship/Marriage. (Part 1 of 2 part series) This idea was taken from my book The Essential Guide to a Lasting Marriage


When I counsel couples the issue of being happy often comes up.  I saw a couple, I’ll call them Armand and Carol. When I asked Carol what she would like from her relationship, she responded “I just want Armand to help me to be happy”.  Of course we know that we are responsible for our own happiness, but it is fair to say that we would like a partner who is concerned about our happiness and will do their best to help us to be happy.

That is a wonderful goal but it needs to be narrowed down.  In therapy, Carol needed to specify exactly what she meant by being happy. Does being happy mean helping her with her cleaning, taking her for a trip, or having more sex, or something else? As I helped Carol and Armand talk about what specifically made them both happy we began to get a picture which lead us to a plan about how they could work on making each other happy.


I mention the idea of being happy as a way to focus on  moving in a positive direction rather that focusing on what’s wrong with the relationship or trying to undo resentments.


In my next blog I will suggest an exercise for you try that can help bring you to feel closer to each other.


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