- are at the brink of ending your relationship.
- can’t seem to have a discussion with your partner without it ending up in anger.
- love your partner but really don’t like them.
If you can relate to the any of the three statements above, and
want the best chance or maybe your last chance at turning things
around consider “The Jump Start Session”.
“The Jump Start Session” is a 100 minute meeting (double session) which can be used to:
- go far more deeply into the issues than you would during an initial single meeting.
- learn techniques to handle the anger, hurt and hostility that has developed from your incompatibility.
- improve your communication with your partner.
- understand and redirect the anger & resentment that has developed over a long period of time.
The “The Jump Start Session” can make an important difference in getting counseling off to a positive start when time and patience are running out on both sides. We can work on issues that are causing the biggest problems, and tackle them first, and still have time to move along quickly to issues surrounding them.
I have found over the years that these intensive counseling sessions with couples have proven to create a deeper connection over a shorter period of time.
I see in a question above that you say “seek outside help for issues of anger and trust” yet I believe this is at the heart of my problems with my husband- are these issues something you can help us with?
I will be glad to be helpful with the issues of trust and anger. Please give me a call and we can discuss it.
For now, you can go to YourMarriageCounselor and there is a whole section on anger. Also I’ve written an article on trust, it is from my manual
Healing From The Pain of Infidelity. I send you this article because it applies accross the board to all relationship. Here is the article:
Helping Relationships and Marriage Heal From the Trauma ofInfidelity (for the faithful Partner).
When a partner has been unfaithful, the biggest issue that exists for the person who has been cheated on is the issue of the is trust. A parent says to their 8 year old child, “trust me, just fall back and ill catch you.” and then the parent moves a way, and the youngster falls on the ground. That child has learned a difficult lesson; the youngster will have a hard time ever again letting their parent catch them again.
The really difficult work ahead is to begin to rebuild the trust that has been lost. The first thing to realize is that trust is not given it is earned. In order for trust to be rebuilt five things have to occur:
1. The couple must learn to communicate with each other more effectively with each other. Whenever I have counseled the couple who are dealing with Infidelity even before the discovery of the unfaithfulness partners tell me how they are not able to talk to each other. They spend little time taking with each other. Sharing concerns both about the relationship and about their lives in general.
2. The person who has strayed must be consistent . They must do what they say their going to do and be where they say they’re going to be.
3. The unfaithful partner has to show a regular effort to be open to their partner. The unfaithful partner has to let the partner know where they are, to give them access to passwords to phone, computers etc… This may be difficult for many people, but the other person. Even the act of giving this level of accountability is reassuring. Whenever I ask the partner who has been cheated on what is important to them they say; How can I forgive if I can’t know what the other person is doing”. The core issue for the faithful partner is will my partner do this again?
Though being open doesn’t mean the situation can’t be repeated the attitude of openness shows the partner that they have nothing to hide and that is really important.
4.The person who has strayed must be patient and consistent. The person who has cheated must realize that it will take months maybe even a year for thre to be a comfortable level of trust.
5. Spend time together. Building trust in a relationship requires time and contact with someone; you can’t trust someone you don’t know. When you and your partner first met you probably spent a great deal of time together and frequently thought about each other when you were apart. Eventually though, everyday life takes over and time is spent focusing on jobs, careers, children and hobbies. Since there was some personal connection that initially drew you together, it is important to rekindle your relationship.
Trust is earned a little bit at a time
Hi DR.Marty my fiance` and i have lot of trust issues and a lot of anger within our relationship.Their’s a lot of family interfering, keeping us from connecting with each other.Im just about to give up but i love my fiance` and i dont want to make a wrong decision are these issue somthing you can help us with.
Absolutely, I originally got started working with anger when I was doing couples counseling. It’s too bad that anger can over come
love. I particularly like helping folks with anger, so they can get past their bad feelings and enjoy the specialness of a close relationship.
There are specific things that I can teach you so that the two of you can be close to each other.
Please give me a call. (732)246-8484.
Hello Dr Marty,
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. We were planing on getting married but problems arose. We often fight over money and a demon that seems to be taking over our lives. I would rather not say right now. But most recently my boyfriend kick me out unexspectly and started seeing other women. After a two weeks he came back and said that I was the one for him. I also learned at that time that over our 3 year relationship he has cheated on me a dozen times. I had no idea things were that bad. I feel like I have been living a lie. I love him and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. But how do we start to fix a relationship that was so badly damaged? Do you think it would be good to start couseling as our first step?
Please see my answer to your question on tomorrow’s blog September 21, 2012
I’d be very interested in your response