Anger – The Letter Technique

One of the biggest issues I deal with is helping people deal with anger.  As a result of this being a problem for people I will, on a regular basis share with you various ways of dealing with anger.  Today I will talk about what I call “The Letter Technique”.  I have taken this from my “Keeping The Spark” newsletter and would encourage you, if you have not already done so, to sign – up for the News Letter.  It is free and all you have to do is go to any page on my site and on the right hand side put your name and email address and you will receive copies of Keeping the Spark” (in your relationship).  So here is my “Letter Technique”.

Dealing with Anger


If you find yourself feeling really angry toward your partner you might write (2) letters /emails to them.


The first email/letter

In this communication say everything you feel, and don’t hold back. Get your frustration and anger out. We need to acknowledge and express how we feel.  (Don’t send this one).

The second email/letter

Now that you have gotten your negative feelings out write a second communication. This one can be toned down and you can tell your partner how upset you are.

You could say something like “I felt ______ when you _____.

Remember your feelings will have the most impact if the other person doesn’t feel attacked. 


Plan to write things out which will give you a chance to cool down and think about what you are going to say rather than blurting out something you will regret.

1. See if you can state the other person’s point of view(s) even though you don’t agree with it.

2. Say clearly and briefly what is making you angry, upset, or sad.

3. Try and end with something positive, or something that is reassuring.

Of course, we all get angry at times, and so the idea is to accept the anger and then figure out how we can get our partner to understand what we are feeling, and ultimately to try and get past the negative feelings so you can get closer to one another.


Call Now