Confessions of A Marriage



My Confession As A Marriage Counselor

I have been a Marriage Counselor & Couples Therapist for over 30 years, and I still have arguments with my wife. I think we have a wonderful marriage and love each other, but things are not perfect. I share my “confession” because it is important to realize two things: there is no such thing as a perfect marriage or a perfect mate, and there will be arguments even in the best of marriages.

One thing that folks learn in Couples Counseling is ...

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage – this is important because if a couple sets the bar too high they will be disappointed. Two people are going to have different perspectives and reactions and have their moods. What makes for a strong relationship is how you handle the down times and how you celebrate the good ones.

Every couple will have arguments or even fights – what makes the difference in strong relationship is how these friction points are handled.

During couples counseling (Marriage Counseling as well) we talk about the best strategy you have in handling a conflict is making sure your partner feels respected


Rules from Dr. Marty’s Marriage Counseling 101

The key is to keep three things in mind:

1. Ask yourself if the issue is more important than the relationship.

2. Do I respect my partner’s point of view?

3. Do I apologize for presenting my point in a hostile way?

Here is a quick quid line to how to handle disagreements:

Step one – Take a break if things get heated.

Step two – Do everything you can to understand your partner’s point of view.

Step three – When you talk about the issue, be calm and understanding.

Step four – Look for a way to take your partner’s needs into account.

There is a lot more to be said about dealing with arguments, which I have covered in my Negotiation Handbook For Couples: From Conflict to Connection.

I hope that my confession has made the point that none of us are perfect – we are works in progress.

I would love to hear how you and your partner handle your struggles – send me a brief story about the two of you and I’ll send you my Negotiation Handbook.

Together we can move forward.  Whether it is couples counseling or marriage counseling, it is important to learn what to do during times of conflict.



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