Dealing with Your Difficult Partner’s Tendency to Explode.

Often times a difficult person will flair up over what seems like a small thing or for what seems to us as no reason at all.  The first thing to realize is that one of two things are going on, either the difficult person has been thinking to themselves about something and winding themselves up, or they have been catastrophizing and thinking how whatever they are concerned about is really going to be a big problem. 

Another thing that goes on in some difficult people’s mind is that they are demonizing a person who has wronged them. The difficult person may be having feelings of outrage, fear, or some other over reaction.  The difficult person will suddenly add intensity to the conversation and in that way triggering off their partner respond in a similar manner.  In order to respond well to the “over reaction” the partner needs to learn how to not get trapped in their own intense response.

Here’s a technique that can help with not over responding to the difficult person’s intensity.

1.     Take a deep breath

2.   Close your eyes

3.   Think of a place that you have been where you felt safe and comfortable. Imagine what it looks like and feels like to be there. When you have a full picture, touch your thumb with your first and second fingers together. 

Practice this exercise several times a day so you can take yourself to this place whenever you want to and most importantly whenever your partner is over reacting.   

When your partner who is difficult comes at you at 100 miles per hour use this technique to calm yourself down before you engage them.

The key is to keep the communication from getting out of hand is by learning to stay calm even if your partner is over reacting. 

There are many other things that you can do but they all have to start with staying calm and not letting your partner’s response cause things to explode and to have the interaction spin out of control.

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