Dr. Marty’s “Love Letter”

Here’s an easy technique that I suggest to some of my clients to help them to strengthen their relationship.  Three days a week, you can do this more frequently if you like, fold a piece of paper in half and then place it on the table so your partner has to open it to read what you’ve written. Write the following two things:


1. “Something I liked or appreciated about you.”

We thrive on positive feedback. Too often we are so busy with life we forget to give our partner positive feedback.  Interesting enough may of us find the time to give our partner negative feedback.

2. “Something that I would really like you to do”.

It is important here to be specific, and simple.

I often hear from couples “I’ve asked him/her a thousand times to ….. (You fill in the blank)” There are several things different in this case

A. It’s a request not a demand.

Often we come across as telling the other person that they ‘should’ do what we want rather than we would really appreciate them for doing “it”  (even if the request is something that your partner is suppose to do)

B. The request is accompanied by something we appreciate about our partner. (The first part of the “Love Note”)

C. If the person doesn’t comply with our request we don’t make a big deal of it and get angry with them.

D. If the person does do what we ask, it is important to let them know you appreciate what they’ve done.

Love is a feeling we have, that feeling can be increased when we see that our partner has done something that is significant to us.

Love is not only something we say, it is something we do!

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