Emotional issues involved in negotiation

One of the most factors in negotiation are emotions.  No matter what issue you are trying to work out to be successful in that process feelings always have to be considered.   Some of the most important feelings to be considered are acceptance, respect, saving face, pride.  Another factor involved in negotiating with your partner is that they have the belief that they can you have influence, not control in the relationship. Influence and feelings are the corner of stone of negotiation

We’ve all witnessed situations where people still argue well beyond the issue itself; they just don’t want to lose the argument.  Even if they are not sure if they are right or being fair, they still argue their point because they hate to give in.

An example of this would be:

Mary wants to move to another state near her family, and Jack wants to stay where they are, so he doesn’t have to change jobs.


If they move, Mary acknowledges to Jack how difficult it is to find a job and how upsetting that would be. Mary makes a good faith offer to be helpful in relating to the issues Jack is facing. For example she suggests that she might:


A. Get a part-time job to help with the finances;

B. Type Jack’s resume to help him find another job;

C. Dedicate herself to making the move easier for Jack.


If they stay where they are, Jack tells Mary he realizes how important it is for Mary to be closer to her family. He verbally recognizes what’s important to Mary and demonstrates that he is willing to be responsive to her needs. To show his concern he:


A.  Offers to go on more vacations to see her family;

B.  Suggests having family members visit them more frequently;

C.  Looks for ways to help Mary feel more connected to her family.


These examples may not solve the problem, but if they are done in a genuine way, they will illustrate to the partner how their perspectives and needs are being respected while saving face if things don’t go their way.

As you read through the material, you’ll see how combining this with other techniques will lead to negotiations that will bring the couple closer to each other

Regardless of the issue, I believe you have a 60% chance of success if you make sure your communications are respectful and recognize your partner’s emotions and are accepting of them, even if your point of view is the complete opposite of theirs.

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