Face book and affairs: Making a bad situation worse? (Part II)

In yesterday’s blog I talked about the problems that Face book and other social media have created in relationships.  Today I will talk about the wrong questions folks are asking and I will suggest what the right questions are.  So here goes:

Asking the Wrong Question

So folks might ask: “Should I “forbid” my partner to go on Face book?  Or “Should I go on to their account?” You can make rules for your partner and you can check on them and in some cases that may be helpful; but often times those forces a partner to go “underground” and not to stop their behavior but to look for ways where they will not be caught.

Sometimes the only way to deal with a partner who is unfaithful is to catch them red handed, but an easier way is to take a hard look at your relationship. Be honest with yourself about the weaknesses, and begin the processor repair before the damage gets too far.

Asking the Right Questions

As a Marriage / Couples’ Counselor

I ask couples that I work with 4 questions:

1. Do you really like your partner?

2. How well do you handle fights / disagreements?’

3. Do you share the day to day stressors with each


4. Do you have a good time with each other?

Though I worry about the dangers of Face book, Twitter, and MySpace, I worry more about the answers to these questions.  If you find yourself

Giving the “wrong answers” to these questions is careful; remember an ounce of prevention is with

a pound of cure.” It might be time to figure out

What you need to do answer these questions in

the “right way”.


If you play detective it means you are trying to find the criminal and once you find that they are guilty then you punish them.  Relationships don’t thrive in an atmosphere of punishment.  Couples connect with each other when there is honesty, compassion, communication, and an eye toward fixing what doesn’t work.

In ending this series I want to compare Face book and social media to the atom.  The atom can light a city if it is used properly used or it can be used to blow the same city up.

Continuing with my comparison,  a good use for social media is to reconnect with old friends, or to learn about what is going on around you. These types of uses can be very valuable.  In the end you have to decide what you want to do with this new tool because Facebook and social media is here to stay.


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