Facebook and Affairs: Making a bad situation worse? (Part I)

In this blog I will outline the dangers that couples’ face as a result of Facebook and other social media.  Once I have done that, in my next blog tomorrow, I will suggest some ways of relating to those issues.  It is also my hope, that this subject sparks some discussion, either privately to me or on the blog.  As this entry will illustrate, there is a problem “out there”, we can either deal with it or ignore it, ignoring it will create even more difficulties for relationships.


There is no doubt that because of social networking sites there has been an increase in divorces. Facebook has been mentioned in one out of every five marriages for online divorce petitions.  Social media in general makes it safer and easier to reach out for possible partners by making access to “old flames” so easily available.


As a Marriage & Family Counselor I have had an amazing number of clients tell me that Facebook has been involved in affairs that they have had.  Sometimes folks are looking for a former boy or girl friend.  Sometimes people go to someone’s’ page they knew and have started a conversation with them, and that conversation has led to a “close friendship” that has ended up in an emotional or even actual affair.

I know from working with many couples who are in emotional trouble, how “dangerous” Facebook can be.  It is important to note that. Facebook is not the cause of marriages breaking apart. Facebook does not arrange for “secret meetings” or booking hotel rooms.  An example of what does cause emotional distance in a relationship is:

* Lack of special time together

* Disinterest in you’re partner’s life,

* Holding grudges,

The afore mentioned issues are just some of the things that sew the seeds of destruction of a relationship.

I hear couples say that dealing with financial and family demands stop couples from being close with each other. The truth is we kid ourselves and say we are too busy and too tired to make time to be with our partner; however, having an affair takes a lot of time and energy.  So people are not too tired or busy to seek out other partners

In my next Blog I will talk about the wrong and the right questions to ask and how Facebook and other social media should be dealt with.



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