Forgiveness from “Healing From the Trauma of Infidelity” (for the faithful partner) (part II )
As mentioned in my last blog here are the steps that Dr. Saffer suggests that are the following three steps involved in being able to forgive your partner.
1. Recognizing inside of yourself that you are holding a grudge
2. Acknowledging and connecting with the effect of that lack of forgiveness has for you
Here are some questions that people who are thinking about forgiveness might ask themselves:
* Why is it important for me to hold on to my resentment?
* What would it mean to me if I was able to forgive my partner?
* What would be the downside of forgiving?
If I can’t totally forgive my partner what can I do other than hold a grudge? For example the Dr. Saffer in her book “Forgiving and Not Forgiving”. Talks about being able to reconnect with him in her mind, but never going to cemetery to visit him.
3. Understanding what was going on with person who had betrayed you. This is not intended to excuse the person for what they had done, but more perspective may soften some of the anger connected with resentment.
In my next blog I’ll suggest two other things that I have found might help partners learning to forgive each other.