“Healing From the Trauma of Infidelity” (for the faithful partner) Blog V in this series
This is the last blog in the series of forgiveness.
I have offered five separate blog entries on the issue of forgiveness
for two reasons:
1. Unless there is some level of forgiveness the hurt that has come from infidelity will destroy the relationship.
2. Forgiveness is an issue in any relationship that has significant problems.
Partners that are upset with each other, at some point have to let go of their resentment as I’ve mentioned in my first reason above, a relationship that has a strong component of resentment is always at risk of falling apart.
Forgiveness and trust have a lot in common; both are not given, they have to be earned. The person who has been unfaithful will
ask: When are you going to forgive me? The appropriate response is, when you are going to earn it?
When an affair first comes too light, often times the unfaithful partner is incredibly apologetic. As time goes by, the unfaithful partner can begin to become frustrated. They may think “after all my efforts you still don’t trust me, what will it take?”, or “if you don’t trust me now, when will you ever trust me?”
Each person needs to move at their own pace for forgiveness, it can’t be rushed. Forgiveness happens whenever the person forgiving is ready.
The process could take several months or even a year for relationships to heal and to have a sense of ease that comes from gaining trust and forgiving.
It is a very dangerous sign, if after a year a partner can’t forgive at least enough to feel like the relationship is moving forward. When this situation occurs it is very likely that the relationship will not last.