How Not To Argue

I love the title, because it’s an impossible goal.  Here’s what is possible, to work on having fewer arguments, that are less intense, and end quickly. Here are some tips as to how to accomplish the above goals (i.e. fewer arguments that are less intense, and end quickly).

1. When you are dealing with a difficult person, have your radar up and always be sensitive to possible areas of disagreements that can turn nuclear.

2. Notice particular times of the day when you or your partner is tired. Tiredness is always fertile ground for arguments.

3. Notice the other person’s mood when you are discussing sensitive issues.  Difficult people, particularly those who are borderline personalities, are not sensitive to other people’s moods.

4. When you are starting to repeat the same “reasons” for what you want it’s time to stop the discussions, because you won’t change the other persons mind and they will only get frustrated which will quickly turn into anger.

5. Ask yourself: “Is the issue more important that my relationship or peace of mind, or having a nice day.” The point here often times the out come of an argument is really unimportant it’s more about who is right and who is wrong.

To learn more about how to negotiate with your partner you might want to read my Negotiation Handbook for Couples: From conflict to cooperation

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