How to Have a Successful Session (part 2 of 4 pages)

 Below is the second part of my self evaluation for helping folks have success in during therapy and ultimately in their relationship.  In this version I will give an explanation of why I have developed these rules. 

 This is what I give to clients so they can rate themselves and work on the areas that are challenging for them.

 Name _______________________     Date ________

 Please rate yourself in these areas from 1 to 10 the better you are the higher you should rate yourself.

1. I don’t go into my partner’s history to “explain what their problem is ____

This is important because many people feel defensive when their partner attributes their “bad” behavior to their childhood.  I have very rarely seen a partner who has been “psychoanalyzed” say “of course it’s my past that is making behave badly.  Instead this “explanation is usually followed by a counter attack. 

 2. I am respectful of my partner, even though I may be very angry at them.     ____

It’s hard but essential when we are angry to get our message across with out putting the other person down.  If done right the message’s power is received, if done badly the communication triggers off more anger and there is more heat than light.

3.  I do not use emotionally charged phrases like : “He / She is a liar ____  

 It is amazing to me that one partner will call the other a liar and expect to get that person to listen to them let alone, be sensitive to them.  In life, as in with communication, we get what we send out.  Send out accusations and get the same more negative energy back or the partner withdraws and becomes even angrier.

 Areas I need to improve in (just give the number)  __________________

 In my blog next week, I will give the last phase of this program so that you can get the complete picture of one way of helping to improve the effectiveness of counseling.