Question for a Marriage Counselor
My Husband / Wife is Filing For Divorce, Is It Too Late For Marriage Counseling? (Part II) – 4 things you should do
The Right Way to Deal With This
1. Don’t panic, take some time and calm yourself down. Find friends who can support you (not family because if you get back together there may be some fallout). These friends should be people who make you feel good about yourself and who don’t try and tell you what to think.
2. Think about what your partner’s complaints are and don’t try and convince them they are wrong. Do some soul searching and see why your partner would see things the way they do.
3. Acknowledge what you can honestly see is a valid point on their part.
4. It takes time for a divorce to actually happen and chances are there will be some interaction, be reasonable (not a doormat).
Why it is especially important to work with a Marriage Counselor
This is a time where both people are feeling tremendous pressure and the inclination to do something destructive either because of anger or desperation is very high.
Marriage counseling can be extremely helpful during these times.
Whether you work on your marriage or on “uncoupling,” this is a critical time because there are two possibilities: The partner who wants to leave has decided this because they don’t know what else to do, or they have gone past the point of “no return” and they are committed to a divorce.
How can a couples counselor help?
If the first possibility is the case and the partner who wants to leave has decided this because they don’t know what else to do a couples counselor can help with offering new understandings and strategies.
If the second possibility is the case and the partner who wants to leave has gone past the point of “no return” and they are committed to a divorce, then finding a way to communicate more effectively might demonstrate to the “leaving partner” that they really have changed or at the very least that there will be fewer disagreements and less aggravation and less expense in terms of attorneys.
Lastly, if there are children, having a Marriage Counselor to help with the children’s response will be extremely helpful.
A Couples Counselor should help you work on yourself, not convince your partner that they are wrong.
Go to YourMarriageCounselor.com home page to: Ask Dr. Marty, a Couples Counselor in NJ, a question!