Negotiation Handbook for Couples: From conflict to connection  (part 2 of 3 part series)

The example below is taken from my Negotiation Hand book For Couples .  Hope this example  is helpful for you.

An example of how emotions enter into negotiation this would be:

Mary wants to move to another state near her family, and Jack wants to stay where they are, so he doesn’t have to change jobs.

If they move, Mary acknowledges to Jack how difficult it is to find a job and how upsetting that would be. Mary makes a good faith offer to be helpful in relating to the issues Jack is facing. For example she suggests that she might:

A. Get a part-time job to help with the finances;

B. Type Jack’s resume to help him find another job;

C. Dedicate herself to making the move easier for Jack.

If they stay where they are, Jack tells Mary he realizes how important it is for Mary to be closer to her family. He verbally recognizes what’s important to Mary and demonstrates that he is willing to be responsive to her needs. To show his concern he:

A.  Offers to go on more vacations to see her family;

B.  Suggests having family members visit them more frequently;

C.  Looks for ways to help Mary feel more connected to her family.


These examples may not solve the problem, but if they are done in a genuine way, they will illustrate to the partner how their perspectives and needs are being respected while saving face if things don’t go their way.


As you read through the material, you’ll see how combining this with other techniques will lead to negotiations that will bring the couple closer to each other.

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