Negotiation Handbook for Couples: From conflict to connection (part II)
In this blog I will continue with a discussion of the “Pleaser” style of negotiator
“Pleasers” need to be liked. Many of us have a need to be a pleaser and will “go along to get along.” That can be a problem if we start to keep score: “I did this for you, so you should do this for me.”
Often relationships don’t work that way. What usually happens is each issue stands on its own unless the couple has formally agreed otherwise. If I went out of my way to pick up something for you yesterday, you may or may not be able to pick up something for me today. There is a difference between keeping score and being fair.
Being fair is something that both parties in the relationship have to agree upon, and keeping score is something we do on our own according to our own rules. If you are going to do something special for your partner, it has to be done with a “no strings attached” attitude.
In my last blog in the series on negation I will end with a description of the “Avoider” and the style I propose couples adapt which I call the The “Collaborator”.