Negotiation Handbook for Couples: From conflict to connection (part III)


Avoiders“ want to avoid conflict.  They want to have things run smoothly and hate to argue. It’s just easier to give in.  Attackers have to be really careful if they are coupled with an “Avoider,” because sooner or later the “Avoider” will feel resentful and taken advantage of, and that will cause scars in the relationship.  Often those wounds fester until they infect and really damage the couple.


What we will be learning is how to be a “Collaborator.”  A “Collaborator” is some one who:


(1)           Is aware of their partner’s feelings and needs;


(2)           Works at finding a “win”-“win” solution;


(3)           Is a creative problem solver;


(4)           Is mindful of the outcome of the negotiation, especially if that negotiation tends to favor them over their partner;


(5)           Most importantly, the “Collaborator” realizes that the relationship is more important than the issue being negotiated.  Where we go on vacation is not as important as how we feel about each other; or how much we spend on a car is second to feeling O.K. about our decision. 


The “Collaborator” is looking for a solution that will result in a better, closer relationship.

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