“The Essential Guide to A Lasting Marriage”
I am pleased to announce the publishing of my new book “The Essential Guide to A Lasting Marriage” published by Alpha press. In my next three posts for this week I am going to share some of material that is in the book. If you are interested the book it can be purchased on Amazon.
*Note when I refer to Marriage I am also talking about long term relationships.
The place to start to have a lasting relationship is to realize that every relationship goes through change and couples need to learn how to adapt to those changes
Here is a list of changes that can happen in relationships:
- Change in financial situations
- Change in work situations
- Change in health
- Shifting view of the world as we age or mature
- Change in definitions of love
- Family deaths
The key to having a lasting relationship is to see these changes / challenges as a “we” issue and getting through them together as a team. Everything that happens to one person in the relationship affects the other person. Couples need to focus on a combination of solutions and supports. Each person needs to look for resources and answers to issues rather than looking for blame. They have to be emotionally sensitive to the fact that sometimes what is necessary is just to be patient and forgiving. When we are under pressure often times we are not our best selves. One important thing is to not hold grudges.
If one person is going through certain challenges they are not always going to behave well. For the person who is going through the challenges, it is helpful to let their partner know what is happening in their head. To explain why they are upset or to let their partner know what they are thinking. It also helps to be both appreciative and apologetic toward your partner as they are being supportive.
In the book, I talk about four stages that relationships go through and strategies to get through those phases. Here are the four stages
Stage I “The Honeymoon Days”
Stage II “Settling In”
Stage III “Facing Life’s Challenges”
Stage IV “Growing Old Together”
Where your relationship is and what specific challenges is your relationship going through?
Being able to identifying what challenges you are facing as a couple is a good starting place for having a lasting relationship. The book will explore the various phases and strategies to handle those “bumps in the road” that couples face as they go through these four stages.
In my next entry, I will talk about some of the myths that people have about good relationships. Knowing what is really going on in your relationship will be a valuable tool to help you to strengthen your relationship.