“The Essential Guide to a Lasting Marriage” Marriage”: You should you never go to bed angry with your partner? True or false
This material is taken from my most recent book “The Essential Guide to a Lasting Marriage” published by Alpha press. In my next three posts for this week I am going to share some of material that is in the book. If you are interested the book it can be purchased on Amazon in hard copy and Kindle formats.
*Note when I refer to Marriage I am also talking about long term relationships.
In the next blogs I’m going to be talking about some or the myths that I mention in the book. The reason I am doing this is because if you believe a myth it tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The first one I’m going to talk about is the myth that you should never go to bed angry. Yes there are lots of reasons to not go to bed angry. You may have bad nights sleep as result of bad feelings between you and your partner; or if you are tired you are more likely to wake up cranky, but as I say in the book, if you are really angry you can’t set a time table. Sometimes it takes us a while to be ready to talk about something that is upsetting to us. Sometimes it takes our partner a while as well.
So here are four simple guidelines as to when it is time to talk about something that is upsetting you:
- Make sure you are in a calm state of mind. If you are agitated as soon as there is some friction and if there was conflict the chances are great that the discussion might get heated. For a discussion to go well both of you have to be in a calm place.
- Make sure that here is time; say 20 minutes to an hour depending on the severity and complexity of the issue.
- Make sure that you’ve had some time to really understand where your partner is coming from. (I go into detail about this in my book “Negotiation for Couples”)
- Go into the discussion with the understanding that some issues may not be resolvable, you just have to be in a place to agree to disagree.
In my next blog I will talk about how marriage/ relationships are not “Quid Pro Quo”, that is just because you do something to me it doesn’t work that I have to do something for you.