Tips from a  Marriage Counselor

Winning the Battle But Losing the Relationship:  It is better to be right or to be in love?  

I’m not saying always give in, but to figure out if the argument more important than the relationship

 Often times, during couples counseling I’ll ask a couple to tell me about an argument they had.  Usually, they can remember how they felt much more clearly than what they were arguing about.  Often It’s not the issue that’s at stake during arguments its the ego and wanting to be acknowledged  by their partner.

 Lessons folks learn in couple’s counseling.

During couples counseling,  people learn angry and getting into a fight is a choice. Feelings are usually more the issue than the issue. Giving respect is an important strategy in getting respect back.

 Here’s what I teach couples in marriage counseling 

When you find you are really knee deep in the argument here’s what you do:                               

 1. Take a break and take time to cool down.

2. At the very least, see if you can agree to disagree agreeably.

3.  See if you can see then the other’s person’s point of view even if you don’t agree with them.                                                                                                                                                            During marriage counseling, I ask each person: ” to restate the other person’s point of view” this simple technique can go a long way to helping couple’s understanding each other.

A Good Marriage Counselor doesn’t decide who is right or wrong but give couples the tools to both deal with the problem and communicate in a way that considers their partner’s feelings. 

For more information about this, I have written a book: Negotiation for Couples: From Conflict to Cooperation” of things that I teach in marriage counseling of how to have discussions rather than getting into a fight. 

Mention this blog and I will take $10 off the purchase my book. 


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