- Glass, Shirley, NOT “Just Friends”: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal.This highly recommended book deals with every aspect of affairs. It deals with “Why people have extra marital relationships” and ‘How to handle them.” It is based on over 25 years of research and includes material from 4 different sources:
- A 1977 survey of 20,000 people done by the popular magazine Psychology Today.
- A 1988 doctoral research dissertation that included 1000 questionnaires.
- The author’s (a marriage counselor) analysis of 350 couples that she surveyed.
- A survey of therapists taken by Dr. Glass from 1992 to 2001.
You can find out more about Dr. Glass and her work at ShirleyGlass.com.
- Emily Brown has written a book entitled Affairs: A guide to Working Through the Repercussions. Ms. Brown is a social worker specializing in infidelity and classifies affairs into 5 types. Ms. Brown talks about:
- The Conflict Avoidance Affair. This is the couple that seems so very nice yet one of them will “go around the block and across the street” in order not to have conflict. In this situation it is easier for a person to deal with an unfaithful situation than deal with the partner.
- The Intimacy Avoidance Affair. In this situation, one (or even both) of the partners builds a wall to protect him/herself from the outside world. It is easier to have an affair than be exposed to a partner.
- The Sexual Addiction Affair. This is a situation where one partner is constantly having affairs and enjoys the chase. He/she denies any problem and may even be proud of the conquests.
- The Split-Self Affair. This affair is marked by what on the surface seems like a good relationship. However, feelings and needs are not expressed or met and communication is not genuine. The unfaithful partner is torn between the positive history and the need to really be him/herself.
- The Exit Affair. In this case the unfaithful person wants to end the marriage and on a conscious or unconscious level, uses this situation to accomplish just that.
For additional information you can visit Emily Brown’s website at Affairs-Help.com.
For the past 14 year of my life with Katrina I have not been always true to her. I have not physicaly relations with another women. I have try to speak and attempt to also call a hooker when I was out of town for work. I did not follow thru with it. I was scared and snapped out of my selfish way. I’ve been trying to go to counseling. I want her to trust me again and what her back. HELP!
What you describe is only the tip of the iceberg. You both need to work on your communication skills and anger issues. If you are to save your relationship you should go to a qualified counselor who has dealt with these issues. You are on shaky grounds if you don’t get help immediately. If you love your wife and she won’t go for counseling then you should go on your own. For information to going to counseling on your own you can go to the middle of home page where there is a free article you can read and you can see a free video on You Tube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsGX89P9Y4I. You can also look at a great book on affairs by Shirley Glass “More Than Friends”.
Long, above are a number of resources for you, if you are to save your relationship it will take a lot of work on your part and a wife who seeing your effort is willing to work on forgiveness.
You should go to counseling on your own. Rather than trying to convince her.You can lead by example. There is a whole section on my home page about the benefits of a person going to counseling on their own. Please read that and let me know if have any additional questions.