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Arguments and Memory: An Eye Opening Perspective.


What would be the effect of having no memory of the past on our arguments with our partner?  The answer: we probably would never have any arguments.  What if our memories are seriously distorted? The fact is, according to Dr. Weinschenk, a prominent researcher psychologist our memories grossly distort what has really happened, so when we get angry at our partner there are significant distortions (tricks) our minds create.


Dr. W. talks about how we remember things as if they were movies and that every time we think about them (our memories) we change / distort them.  Dr. W goes on to say “subsequent events can also affect our memories”; As if that weren’t enough, our minds unconsciously fill in memory gaps with “made up” sequences of events and often, I believe, we make our partner even more wrong each time we think about what has been happened or what has been said.


Psychological researchers have verified that memories during crimes or accidents are not very accurate.  A high level of emotion tends to negatively impact on accurate memory.  Also as we remember incidents, often times we may portray ourselves inaccurately as well, as it’s hard to both be in the center of an experience and recall it accurately as well.


The point about our memories being inaccurate is that we find ourselves having arguments about a “distorted movie” we have in our heads rather than what really happened.


In my next blog I’ll make some suggestions about how to deal with angry memories or if you like you can go directly to my Relationship Rescue Manual get help with angry feelings you are having about your relationship.

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