Dangerous Myths about Marriage
In my book, “The Essential Guide to A Lasting Marriage”. I discuss a number of myths that people have about relationships. Often times myths can become realities if we believe them.
People have a lot of mistaken ideas about marriages; below I’m going to list 3 myths and the dangers to a marriage when people believe them.
Myth #1 – Less sex means that couples love each
other less. The reality is that less sex may mean that you may be stressed or having problems in other areas of your life that are draining your energy, or you may be over extended
Danger of this myth – If you believe that your partner loves you less because physical intimacy has decreased then you might feel angry or insecure and you may not approach your partner in a constructive way
Having less intimacy with your partner may be a wake-up call so it shouldn’t be ignored, discussion is a good thing. Working out an issue with your partner is one great way of strengthening your relationship.
If you approach your intimacy as an issue to be figured out together it will strengthen your relationship.
Myth #2 If someone has an affair the relationship is over. The reality is 75 to 80 percent of couples stay together.
Danger of this myth – If you believe the relationship can’t survive then you might stop trying to do what it takes to heal the relationship. (See my book “Helping Relationships and Marriages Heal from the Trauma of Infidelity” (For Unfaithful Partner). However, if you are willing to work at “fixing” what’s wrong, couples are able to build even stronger relationships.
Sometimes it takes a tragedy to get things to change
The work ahead is difficult, but it can be an opportunity, if both partners are willing, to create a new relationship where folks can learn to fall back in love with each other.
Myth #3 Never go to bed angry. The reality is we all have our own emotional clocks, some people are quick to anger and quick to forgive, others are slow to anger and slow to forgive, and still others are quick to anger and slow to forgive
Danger of this myth: It’s a great suggestion if you can do it, you may even have it as a goal, but many of us take a while to cool off. A premature apology or reconciliation will come off as phony and not heart felt. The other side of this is, that holding grudges are toxic to relationships. Forgiveness is the glue that holds relationships together.
Speaking of forgiveness, forgiveness is only meaningful if we learn from our mistakes and make Strong efforts to both make amends for what we have done wrong and work hard at not repeating our mistakes.
There are many more myths that we have about marriage. If we believe them, that belief will shape our actions, and the myth will become a self fulfilling prophecy
On my last entry for the week I will talk about trust and relationships.
See you tomorrow.