888-281-5850 drmarty@comcast.net

Dealing With A Rejecting Husband and Depression


Submitted from Lydia

I have been married for 21 years and my husband just told me that he no longer wants anything to do with me. He says he wants to do what ever he wants and that I have no right to ask anything about his whereabouts or what he is doing. He said he wants a divorce and that he does not love me anymore. When I ask what has happened he says he no longer wants me around. He is not willing to talk to me and dismisses any of my attempts to discuss anything. Is there any hope for us? I have been depressed now for over a year due to our daughter telling us she is gay. My husband blamed me for that and blames me for his feelings towards me. How can I fix this? Please help. I am so lost.


Dear Lydia,

You clearly have a full plate emotionally. Your husband’s response to you and your daughter is a lot to deal with.  Your depression is understandable, unfortunately, with depression we are not motivated to do anything, except to get back into bed and withdraw from the world.  To cope with this situation effectively, you have to fight the strong urge to avoid the world.  You need to do things and be around people who will help your self image; my hunch is you are not feeling good about yourself at all. To  deal with this you are going to have to feel good about yourself.


It would be very helpful if you would take on a task that can occupy your mind and help you get your emotional energy back.  Also a great way to relate to depression is exercise.  As long as there isn’t a medical reason, exercising can be a terrific antidote to depression.  As you deal with your depression you will be in a better position to relate to the real challenge your husband’s negative responses and you marriage being in trouble.


Lastly, you should find a good  counselor / therapist who can guide you through this difficult time.


You can handle your depression and your rejecting husband, but it will take work on your part.  Sending me this email is good first step, now it’s necessary to take the next steps that I’ve mentioned in this answer.


Let me know if I can be of any more help

Dr. Marty



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