Do Couples Have to Agree to Be Happy?
There is a common misconception that couples that agree with each other are happier than couples who constantly have disagreement.
Here is what the research about “happy” couples has found: Most problematic issues (69% – see Dr. John Gottman’s research) do not get solved, they get managed. Successful couples “agree to disagree, with out prejudice. When I say without prejudice, I mean that even though you think the other person may be totally wrong you do not belittle the other person.
To dig a little deeper,”without prejudice” means not only do we not put the other person down when we are talking with them, that in the conversation in our heads (that’s where all the action really is) we do not think of the other person as being stupid or stubborn. We realize that even if we think our partner is wrong, their point of view has legitimacy for them and we approach them with that understanding.
Happy couples are respectful of differences and realize that there way is not the only way. The real issue is folks can disagree in an agreeable way. In other words, it’s not the final decision, it’s how the process goes.
Respectful tolerance goes a long way