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Dr. Marty’s 3 Quick Tips on Negotiation. (Part II of a two part series)


This first suggestion is geared to getting you in the proper frame of mind to effectively influence the other person.  If you are angry at them that will come though your communication to them; so begin by becoming aware of something that you like or respect about this person.  Too often when we are arguing about something we tend to demonize the other person and think of them as “The Bad Guy” and then we approach them as if they were the enemy.

It is helpful to bear in mind that we may think or feel differently about what the other individual is saying or doing, but that does not make them a bad person.  The more you feel connected with the other person, the more positive impact you’ll have, when you are trying to get them to accept your point of view.


A second tip is, if things are getting too heated stop the exchange until both of you are calm.


The third and last tip involves knowing when it is time to resume the conversation, below are two criteria:

You should talk about the subject again when:

  1. You can start off talking by acknowledging what is right about the other person’s perspective; or
  2. When you have something new to offer that you have not offered before.  Be careful not to just say the same thing in a different way.  Your suggestion or “offering” should be seen a real effort to be sensitive to the other person’s needs.


If you would like to learn more about how to negotiate with your partner you can go to:

Negotiation Handbook for Couples

From conflict to connection

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