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Gaining Trust


A week doesn’t go by when the question of how can trust be rebuilt in a relationship comes up in counseling.  This question is particularly important when there has been infidelity.  There is a short answer and a long answer to that question; the short answer is: trust is rebuilt with transparency and time, I call it the two “T”’s


By transparency I mean that the partner(s) that have lost trust must make a special effort to be an open book to their partner; this includes being where you say their going to be, giving access to: texts, email, and phone records.  This openness does not have to make the other person into a detective; it just means that if one partner wants to be reassured about the other partner and that they have  easy access to information about where that partner is and what they are doing.


When I talk about time, I mean that no matter what is said during therapy, only time will make the other partner feel comfortable.  Folks ask me: “How long do I have to be transparent?”  That’s like asking how long do I have to be on a diet? Of course, at some point, the transparency will become less of an issue, but still an area to be aware of.  The person who gets to set that time table is the person who is worried about their partner’s trust worthiness.


In my next blog I will share a list of “7” things, from my manual “Healing from the Trauma of Infidelity” that relate to being trust worthy.  This “trust list” will give folks who are concerned about the issue of trust guidelines for which areas of trust need to be worked on.


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