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Handling Conflict Effectively With Our Partner.


Below are four things you should do and three things you shouldn’t do to best handle conflict with your partner.


Here are four things to do when there is conflict with your partner


1. Do look for a time when you won’t be interrupted and are in a calm state of mind.  We think most clearly when we are relaxed.


2. Do express how you feel about what your partner said or what they did.


3. Do see if you can understand your partner’s point of view. A little understanding is a more powerful convincer than a lot of attacking.  Our partner is more inclined to “hear” you if they felt heard



4. Do tell your partner what you would like from them.



  1. I would feel much better if you would (fill in the blank)
  2. I would like you to tell me before you invite someone over to the house
  3. I just want you to understand how badly that made me feel.


Here are three things you should not Do when you are having an argument with your partner


1. Don’t try and prove your partner wrong in what they

said or didn’t say or do.


2. Do not approach your partner when you are both upset.

The more upset we are, the less likely we are to be

receptive to our partner’s feeling


3. Don’t attack or put your partner down.


When you are in conflict with your partner ask yourself

“Would I rather be right or effective?”


If you would like to get additional ideas about handling conflict with your partner, you might want to take a look at: My Negotiation Handbook For Couples: from conflict to connection.


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