Here is a question I got on my site from Nicole about does she need counseling
Hello Dr Marty,
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. We were planning on getting married but problems arose. We often fight over money and a demon that seems to be taking over our lives. I would rather not say right now. But most recently my boyfriend kick me out unexspectly and started seeing other women. After a two weeks he came back and said that I was the one for him. I also learned at that time that over our 3 year relationship he has cheated on me a dozen times. I had no idea things were that bad. I feel like I have been living a lie. I love him and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. But how do we start to fix a relationship that was so badly damaged? Do you think it would be good to start counseling as our first step?
Hi Nicole,
Counseling seems really important if you are going to have a chance at happiness. Your email raises many questions that need to be explored in counseling:
- How can we (as a couple) disagree about something, like money, and find a way to overcome our different points of view so both of us can feel comfortable with the solution we come up with jointly?
- The issue you have identified as “The demon” has to be looked at cleared up.
3. When you talked about:
“. I also learned at that time that over our 3 year relationship he has cheated on me a dozen times.”
You raised the issue of trust (you can email me if you would like an article on trust that I have written) which also needs to be dealt with
4. You have also talked about the issue of infidelity
on his part, the causes of that also needs to be
examined as well.
There are many more things to be worked through, but the four issues that I’ve mentioned gives you some idea of what you would be thinking about in counseling.
If you would like to get more of my thinking about relationships that are at risk you can take a look at my book “The Relationship Rescue Manual”.