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How to Have a Good Fight in Your Relationship. (Part 1 of a 5 part series)

On the surface the idea of having a good fight seems ridiculous.  If we think about the idea a little more deeply, we realize that every couple fights, in fact every couple needs to have a fight.  It’s virtually impossible for a couple to agree on everything and at one point for one person not to offend their partner.  When there are strong disagreements or we are offended and those negative feelings have to come out somewhere.  In my office, when I am doing couple’s counseling, I almost always find that the couples have either totally avoided fights or have fought badly.


Here’s what it means to fight badly:

  1. We insult our partner
  2. We scream at our partner
  3. We hold a grudge
  4. We ignore what our partner has to say
  5. No one is willing to compromise


Next time you have a fight with your partner see how you rate yourself in terms of how you well you fight.

I don’t mean to be negative, but as a marriage counselor these are the type of negative situations that happen daily with couples that I counsel and it really helps to identify what a couple shouldn’t do as a starting point for improving a relationship.


In my next four blogs I’ll give guidelines for having “A good fight.”

YourMarriageCounselor.com – has couples and marriage counselors in the following  areas in New Jersey of: ChesterFlorhamParkSomersetNew Brunswick,   Upper Montclair,  Paramus, Voorhees Chevy Chase, MD.  –

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