888-281-5850 drmarty@comcast.net

Couples Counseling/ Relationship Counseling

 This is a continuation of a series that was posted on July 31, 2013

 How to Have a Good Fight ((Part 4 of a  5 part series)

If you are on the other side of feeling steamrolled over, stop the exchange.  It is important to set reasonable limits to the discussion; here’s an idea of what you can say:

This is getting too nasty let’s both

cool down and then we can see if

there’s some way we can work this out.”

The idea here is to withdraw with reassurance. By this I mean to stop the verbal exchange / fight before it gets out of control,  but before leaving reassure the other person you are not running away from the discussion or abandoning them and that you are perfectly willing to continue the discussion but at time when you are both calmer and can really think and talk about the issue and eventually come up with an answer that is sensitive to both people’s needs.


Another indication that you have had a good fight is that when the smoke clears that neither of person as grudge as a result of what’s been said.  The goal here is to have the fight be over when it’s over and not have left over bad feelings that will come out next time there is another fight.

To learn more about this subject you can buy my book “Negotiation for Couples” by going to: http://yourmarriagecounselor.com/negotiation-handbook-for-couples/



YourMarriageCounselor.com has couples and marriage counselors in the following  areas in New Jersey of: Chester, Florham Park, Somerset, New Brunswick,   Upper Montclair,  Paramus, Voorhees & Chevy Chase, MD. 




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