How We Make Ourselves Angrier at Our Partners (Spouses)
Here’s how anger works; first, our partner does something that really upsets or annoys us; once they have done what they’ve done or said what they said, we then hear the recording or see the movie of the incident in our head and then we replay that incident or conversation in our minds. As we replay the incident, we feel even more wronged or hurt and in our mind our partner’s more insensitivity increases. We know from research that the more the incident is repeated in our mind the more upset and angry we get.
In summary, the way we make ourselves angrier at our partner is by continuously replaying the offending situation. Imagine for a minute what would happen if we had no memory, what would happen to the movie in our mind? If you can’t remember the story then there’s nothing to get angry about; as the saying goes: “The longer our memory the angrier we are”. In some ways, we can say our memory is an essential part of our anger; here’s the thing: research, has found that our memories are not as accurate as we think they are.
In the next blog you’ll find out just how unreliable our memories can be. I know that that realization gives me a new perspective on anger and arguments. together we will be take a look at what scientific research has discovered about our ability to remember things accurately.