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Note from Dr. Marty

I’ve gotten a number of questions about relationships and I decided that today and tomorrow I’ll give you my answers to those questions.  My hope is that there are a number of readers that have the same or similar questions and that my answers will give  them insight ,as well as, the folks who have written me. I want to urge my readers to send me their questions and I will do my best to answer them


My fiance and I have a child together and he has also been the “father figure” to my child from a previous relationship since she was a baby. We have been together close to 2yrs and for at least the first year he was 100% unfaithful but I stuck around for fear of what breaking the bond he had with my daughter would do to her(stupid) and I know there was my own reasons for staying as well. Problem is, once I got pregnant (unplanned) I felt like I should try and make the best of it. I don’t feel the way I used to for him, I guess like that saying “I love him but I’m not IN love with him.” I want to have the old sparks and butterflies but I can barely bring myself to be intimate, please help me…

My answer

Hi Amie,

It is very difficult to gain that old spark once you have been betrayed by unfaithfulness, but it can be done. The answer is that it will take lots and lots of work by both of you. You need to sit down with a professional and figure out together what went wrong and how the two of you together, can rebuild what has been damaged.

It will be hard work and only you can decide if you are willing and able to put in the time and the effort.  I have gone into some depth about what can be done in my Relationship Rescue Manual” 


My message here is that there is no one thing you can do, it’s a series of things constantly being done in the relationship, that has the best chance to turn things around.  If your partner won’t go for help, you need to step up and get help from someone who can give you both understanding and guidance.

Tomorrow’s blog will answer a reader’s question: “Should I give up on my relationship”


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