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Rules for Fighting Fair in a Relationship (part I)

(Some of this material is taken from my book

The Essential Guide to a Lasting Relationship)

In my next two blogs I will share four basic rules to follow if you are upset with your partner and find yourself in an argument.  As you follow these suggestions you will be able to have what I call “a constructive fight” as opposed to nuclear warfare which destroys everything in sight.

1.     This rule is a “must”; approach your partner with something that is upsetting you when you are calm.  If you start off with an attack or scolding the rest of the exchange will be destructive and nothing will be accomplished.

2.   Focus on what you want and are as specific as possible; for example: “You hurt my feelings; I’d really like to know that you feel badly and that I’m upset is important to you”.

Think about a disagreement you and your partner have had and then rate yourself on a scale of one to five (five being that you have followed these guides well). 

Having a good relationship is about you doing the right thing even if your partner doesn’t.


In my next blog I’ll tell you what you should not do and also the real secret to getting your partner to listen to yo

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