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Rules for Fighting Fair in a Relationship  (part II)

(Some of this material is taken from my book

The Essential Guide to a Lasting Relationship)

In my second and last blog in the series “Rules for Fighting Fair in a Relationship, I will suggest one thing you shouldn’t do and one thing you should.

1.     Stay away from criticism and telling your partner what is wrong with them.  Criticism will get either your partner to withdraw or to counter attack.

2.   Here is the secret I promised that I would share with you in my last blog. This suggestion is the hardest of all to do, but if you can manage to it you have the best chance of getting your partner to respond to you positive way.

Start with understanding before you ask for what you want.  People are a thousand times more receptive when even though you are angry and don’t like they’ve done or said you still let them know that you can understand their point of view.

For example, your partner is late for meeting you before you get angry at them you might start by asking them if everything is O.K. (with a positive tone).  You might even say something like: It must have been tough on you knowing you were going to be late and having to rush.”  You can then follow-up by saying: “I appreciate that you had a lot to do but it’s frustrating to me when you are late and you don’t call”.

Fights are something happy couples

have and then get past, so that they

can enjoy being with each other.

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