So Many Problems In My Relationship – Where Do I Start?
From Amie
Hi Dr. Marty,
I have been married for almost 10 years. Even though having a loving relationship so far, last year I suspected of him cheating on me. I found out he had several accounts on social media websites. He doesnt accept nor deny. After that we are having trust issues. He wont let his ph out of sight. He blames me for everything. I have been depressed over our marriage and also issues at work. (Inspite of working hard for a long time, my co workers have been given promotions, bonuses and pay increases) All of these have been taking a toll. Another issue is ‘in-laws’. Even though being far from us, my in laws have profound effect on my husband. My husband blames me of not working on developing a good relationship with my in-laws. Eventhough living together we have huge communication issues. Simple talk becomes argument. The two main characters are missing in our marriage, Trust and Respect. Even though I feel, there is still Love, I dont see it. Even though he doesnt say of ending relationship, he is not working on anything to fix it. Please help.
My Answer
Hi Amie,
You have done a great job of outlining the problems which are:
- Your husband is blaming you for everything
- You don’t trust him
- He is acting suspiciously
- The two of you don’t communicate well.
- You’ve tried very hard to talk with him and you are very frustrated at the resulting arguments
- Your husband seems unreachable emotionally.
- Despite all the above problems you have identified there is still a part of you that feels you might love him and you (though you didn’t say it specifically) feel very trapped and you are asking me to help you with these very difficult problems that are on their own not easy but together they are even worse.
Sounds like you feel overwhelmed and powerless.
I wish I could give you answers as clearly as you have described the problem, but as you think about it, I know you realize that this is too big a task to take on alone. You need to find someone to work with you as a couple or maybe even on your own to help sort all of these (and perhaps) other issues as well.
To find a good counselor you might go to my free video
“How To Find a Good Marriage Counselor” would be your first step.
Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing in your search for getting the help you deserve