The Apology For Your “Infidelity”
Often times when I am working with a couple who is struggling with trauma of infidelity the subject of apologizing for the unfaithfulness comes up.
If you are to be taken seriously when you apology, your attitude must show genuine, deep regret. If you feel you
are still not at that point, wait until you really are because you might not get a second chance.
Taking Responsibility for your Actions
Admit whole heartedly that you were wrong in what you did and how you regret hurting her/him but only if you earnestly feel that way. Realize that this is just the first step. There is still a very long ways to go to make things right again.
When you apologize and your partner wants to speak, be quiet, let them talk because they will have a lot to say about their feelings. Part of the process is that your partner has to feel that you are open and willing to listen to them.
Explain the “Why’s”
It is crucial for your partner to hear an explanation as to why you did this. One of the greatest fears that your partner will have is “If I forgive her/him will they hurt me again”? If you can’t give a proper explanation about why the infidelity happened, it will make your partner feel powerless in trying to prevent any further occurrences. So make sure you are prepared and thought out an earnest answer clearly. This is essential in order to go on to repair the relationship further.
Realize that if there is to be forgiveness your partner must have peace of mind, and believe in you again.
Partners may ask for Details
If your partner wants the details give them. This might be difficult for you but imagine what they are going through. The more you hold back the more they will feel that something else is going on.
Lastly, you have to get your partner to believe that this experience is so painful that if you had to do it all over again you wouldn’t make the same choices. Of course,
only give your heart felt apology if you really mean it, otherwise it is worthless and cruel and will come across as hollow and patronizing.
In summary, you have to be genuine, patient, a good listener, be forthcoming with details, and explain your reasons clearly. Reconciliation in this kind of situation is not easy and you have to be prepared for your partner’s anger and confusion but you have made the first important step toward working things out.
The next step will be developing trust which I will talk about in “Step II” in this manual. ( I have taken an article on what is involved in an effective apology from my manual “Healing from The Trauma of Infidelity” to share with my blog readers. )
My Manual “Healing from The Trauma of Infidelity” can be purchased at Amazon on a Kindle application or directly purchased and downloaded from me at YourMarriageCounselor.com.