The Essential Guide to A Lasting Marriage (Relationship) – Boundaries
In my book “The Essential Guide to A Lasting Marriage (Relationship)“ I deal with 10 areas where couples need to establish boundaries. Below is a list of five of those areas, so you can think about how you would like your partner to relate to you and your boundaries and you can ask your your partner what they would like in terms of their boundaries. Some folks like / need more distance and some like / need more connection. It is important for couples who want to connect in a positive manner to figure out what they need in terms of distance. Below are some situations in which the issue of distance applies:
Some folks want people to be around them and others just want to be left alone
Being told that you are cared for.
It is important to some people to be reassured on a regular basis that they are cared
for and others feel like it is too much and feel that being reassured is unnecessary.
Not talking in the morning.
Some of us are “morning people” and some of us just want to be left alone.
Having individual credit cards
Some people like having their own “money” and some want to know the other person
Learning to compromise.
A couple is doing well when they figure out how to talk with each other about difficult
issues and they understand that it is important to learn how to “meet in the middle”.
When I counsel couples I tell them about the “Platinum Rule” as compared to the “Golden Rule: The “Platinum Rule” “Do on to others I as they would like to be done to;
not what you would like or think that they want.