888-281-5850 drmarty@comcast.net

My focus this week will be what couples can do to make their relationships strong ones.

The Importance of Influence in a Relationship


If you ask folks what they think is important in a good relationship, they will probably not include this in their list and yet it is one of the most essential factors in a good relationship.  In strong relationships each partner must feel as if they can influence their partner.

The Importance of Influence in a Relationship
As a marriage counselor I often hear “She doesn’t listen to me;” “She’s going do what she wants no matter what I say.”  All of us want to feel that we have influence over our partner.  This does not mean however, that our partner has to do everything we want or agree with us on everything.  It does mean though, that we need to believe our partner has heard us.
Having influence is especially important when a marriage is on the verge of ending.  We all need to feel that a great deal of thought and weight is given to our perspective and that the other person takes our opinions seriously.  Letting your partner know that you have given thought to your conversations can go a long way.   Statements such as, “I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but I have been thinking a lot about what you said;” or “Even though I don’t agree with you I think you are right about…” are much less likely to produce negative feelings in your partner.   These statements don’t mean you completely agree, but that you have given thought to your partner’s opinions and ideas, they are important to you, and you have spent some time thinking about them.

In my next post, I will talk about an  important thing, not to do and yet we find ourselves doing it all the time.  One more hint, when you do this you make your partner feel like they are stupid and inadequate, and you are being their parent.

Call Now