The Role of Empathy in Having a Resilient Relationship

The Role of Empathy in Having a Resilient Relationship

Dr’s Robert Brooks & Sam Goldstein in their book “The Power of Resilience” talk about how important it is to understand the other person’s point of view. I know from counseling thousands of couple over the years that understanding, not necessarily agreeing with your partner,  is one of the essential ingredients if a strong relationship.  Arguments are not only about the issue being discussed, they are about feeling respected as a person.  By showing that you really understand where your partner is coming from, you are validating them and making them believe and feel that you care about them.

In my book Negotiation Handbook for Couples: From conflict to connection I give a number ways that you can get your partner to believe that you see their point of view below are three of those ways:

1. Restate in some detail in an objective way your partner’s perspective.
2. 2.    Find the part of their point of view that you can agree with.
3. 3.   Validate that though you see things differently their perspective is understandable.

Below is a self rating chart of attitudes and emotions from the Negotiation Handbook

Attitudes & Emotions                      little                         a great deal

The higher your score on the chart the more your partner will experience you as empathic.

There is an explanation of all of the above categories in the manual, especially the category of “Monitoring Your Partner”; you’ll be surprised to find out what that actually means.