Using Daniel Pink’s Model for Having Strong Relationships (see blog on 03.19.13 for the model)
Mr. Pink’s A, B, C model also works well for relationships as well. Here is my take on how it is applied:
Attunement it is really helpful if you can read where your partner is emotionally. A good example of this is not to approach your partner about a sensitive issue when they are upset.
Buoyancy is being positive about your partner, to be able to give your partner the benefit of the doubt, even if you disagree with them. In my manual “Negotiation for Couples”. I give a model for being able to negotiate effectively with their partner; an element in that process is being able to first understand your partner’s point of view; and second being able to have your partner understand that even though you may see things differently you do appreciate their position.
Clarity – is the ability to go beyond your partner’s immediate response and to see what is really bothering them. To look for the answer of: Why did your partner get so upset about what seems so unimportant to you. The idea here is not to discount your partner being upset, but to understand why it is such a big deal for them.
An example of this is, your partner is get’s furious at you for being 15 minutes late for a party, when in fact it really doesn’t make a difference if you are a little bit behind schedule. It may be your partner had a bad day, or it may be that being on time is important to them, or that they feel like generally they can’t count on you.
Focusing on getting clarity about what is going on with your partner is an important factor in having a strong relationship.
Having a good relationship means not just reacting but understanding.