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Below is question that I got from someone who has read my blogs on the issue of character.  I think this is an important question that many folks may be asking, so I thank Mary (the person who sent the question) for her contribution to this blog.

What makes a man cheat when he has a good woman and a good relationship. out of character yes he is, since 2 years.

Mary W.


Hi Mary,

My experience is that there are two factors that cause someone to go out side of a marriage and have an other relationship(s):

1. Dissatisfaction with the relationship.

Often this is done without the faithful partner realizing that there is a problem.  Sometimes people are “conflict avoiders”.  These are folks who even if they are unhappy will not say anything so that there isn’t any fighting.  On the other hand, sometimes people are frustrated and don’t feel their efforts have been responded to.  Bottom line – something in the relationship is not working for the unfaithful partner.  Of course being unfaithful is a terrible solution, for dealing with whatever the problem is.

2. Opportunity – The more easily available an other partner is the higher the possibility for infidelity.

Over the years I have developed a formula for a ‘perfect storm” The greater the dissatisfaction the more the person will create the opportunity; conversely, the greater the opportunity the less dissatisfaction there has to be.  In summary, when dissatisfaction meets opportunity often times what results is infidelity.


The next question is: What to do about the infidelity?  Do you keep the relationship or do you divorce?  That is a question to be settled in counseling. If you go to YourMarriageCounselor.com, on the home page you’ll find a short video on how to pick a good counselor, which will be a good place for you to start.


Hope that helps, Mary

Dr. Marty

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