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What To Do When You Loose Your Attraction for Your Partner

 Here are my answers to Sam’s question from yesterday.

(See question below).  I have re written my take on what I think is going on and then my answer.   I want to thank those of you who emailed me yesterday and today with your thoughts and suggestions.  Based on the response I got I might do this again.  It seems as if a number of folks can relate to this question and several people have some definite ideas of how to handle not feeling attracted to your mate.  I also cover this in more detail in my book “The Essential Guide to Lasting Relationships”

And will be sharing excerpts from that book in future blogs.

 I recently got this question from “Sam”

 My husband and I have been together 7 yrs , married for 4 yrs…
I have been questioning my feeling towards him lately. I don’t feel attracted to him and                                                                                                                                                                               it’s breaking my heart. I love him into pieces…what should I do?


Hi Sam,

Often times when couples loose their attraction for one an other one of three things happen.

  1. There has been some important disagreement(s) that have never been worked out and resentment has built and that has caused an emotional distance between the couple

 Answer: If there are some issues that have been ignored or denied take some time and figure out what they are.  Once you have targeted the issues then spend some time figuring out how you want to approach them.  Check with your partner if they feel that way as well.  See if you can come up with at least understanding your partner’s point of view or at best a compromise that can make you both happy.

 After you have tried my suggestions let me know how they have worked.  If the feelings still haven’t come back then email me what the issues are and let’s see if we can tackle them together.


2. The couple has taken each other for granted without making time together special and meaningful.

 Answer:  Handling the issue of taken each other for granted can be handled by putting time aside on a regular basis to connect with each other.  Also putting time aside to just “check in” with your partner about how they are doing. Are there things on their mind that are troubling them that they would like to either input on or just to share.   When people emotionally connect on a deep level the physical attraction has a good chance of returning


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