Where to Start When There is A Problem in Your Relationship.
Here is another email question I got from the site and my answer to that question
Dear Dr. Marty
I’m afraid of losing the one I love dearly.
We dated for two years, then got engaged, and had a baby. My emotions went in an uproar after having our baby due to hormone changing and we started having more problems then regular. Well, my partner started getting secretive and hiding stuff when we used to tell each other everything. I ended up finding out something I never thought I would and now neither of us trusts each other. I am very hurt but I am forgiving, but it seems like my partner wants nothing to do with me nor says “I love you” back in front of anyone. I want nothing more than for us to get back to the way things were. I’m ready to be positive and grow old with my partner, but how do I get my partner to feel that way?
There are a number of things regarding your relationship that make it difficult to answer your question. First of all what have you tried so far and exactly what’s been his response? I don’t want to suggest anything that you have already tried. Also aside from the reaction you described how else is your relationship doing? What do you argue about? How are arguments resolved? How much quality time do you spend together? What issues are you currently struggling with other than him hiding things from you?
Note to my readers – I am not only asking Jamie these questions but giving you some guidelines to see how strong your relationship is and what things you should be looking at. Couples / marriages break up because issues are not dealt with and they fester and grow over a period of time. It is important to realize that not every issue has to have a resolution, but it is important that if there are differences those differences are not as great as the love and the good feelings that people have for each other.
Back to Jamie –
Jamie I wrote a whole manual on exactly this subject I call the manual The Relationship Rescue Manual. My point is that getting a relationship back on track is a process, it’s not only about the problem it’s about understanding everything about your relationship.
In the book, I discuss many topics, among them the basics of a relationship, dealing with anger, analyzing where a relationship stands and what to do about it. The Manual is not going to solve your problems, only you can do that, but I would first get more knowledge about what is going on so you can figure out what to do next. If that doesn’t work you should seek the guidance of trained experienced counselor to walk you through this to give you the best chance to make things work.